Celebrate My Birthday with Dearly Dr. Martens!

It’s my birthday!! Hoorey!!

What!? I shouldn’t too celebrate it as it’s the reminder of my older age?

You may be right, but then, I’m still young, my official age still initials with the international standard numeral, 2, so I’m still YOUNG! Yes! Hoorey!!

Today is not my birthday, though. It’s four days ago. April 4th. My birthday had passed so monotonously and without any trace of a sunbeam coming out of clouds. It has rained a lot also. But it’s fine; I don’t mind raining. I love rain >_๐

However, I wanted to do something special for this annual occasion…although I was not quite sure what ‘special’ should be. Then, I realized that since my blog had contained only my..um..drawing, that ‘special’ thing might be some real photos! But, again, what photos should be? I’m not a photographer or landscape expert or traveler. I don’t even have a professional, big lens camera which comes along with those complicated and delicate tools, only a Canon digital camera which is my sister’s and an iPhone. Therefore, there’s no choices left much. I decided to do something not requires too much expertise. I’m pretty into fashion; clothes, accessories, shoes – you name it. And I just happened to buy a new pair of boots, Dr. Martens, Cherry smooth color 1460, the classic one, and I really love it! Usually, I’m not into brands (thankfully as I don’t have so much money to waste on Prada or something), so my fashion is quite more like street style and very simple (the real one, you know, not like high brands trying to imitate ‘street style’). Anyway, this real photograph post is dedicated to my dearly DM 😀

This knit dress should be called knit top for other people, but when I’m wearing it, it incredibly transforms to be a dress.

This second style is one of my favorite. I like maxi dress, especially the jeans one! And I’m lucky enough to be able to find a long dress fits my unique size.

This is my most favorite. The beige blazer (I typed it wrong in the picture, sorry) with casual look combining with jeans shorts and cropped top. Well, not that I’m good at professional looks.

Vintage style! It could do some formal parties, not too formal, though. And I bought this dress at a very cheap price 🙂 I like its beige color and lace.

There, the most color in my closet, black. This chiffon see-through shirt with velvet collar makes a good casual look and get on with jeans shorts very well. And of course, it cannot be this good without DM boots!

That’s it. I don’t like wearing many objects so the style is very simple and normal. But normal is what we’re wearing in daily life. And I didn’t apply any accessories with these simple style too because I could not find ones (we’re renovating the house and have to pack everything into boxes). I’m sorry for the low quality of the pictures. I used only my iPhone and I was not that good with Photoshop things 😛

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Me, The Pirate Of The…Pacific Ocean.

In the indefinite mist of illusion derived from high fever, sweet deception of stagnant life only a year after graduation, and living among madness and complexity of incomprehensible people, I decided to leave this life and become an adventurous pirate in the open sea.

However, then, I realized that I was born in the wrong period of time. There’s no awesome pirate with sword and dignity anymore, but an illegal one smuggling drugs, hazardous weapons, etc. No dignity fighting. No exploring the world. This planet earth has been explored thoroughly. No giant octopus. No Titan….

Alright, I will go to bed. I should go to bed now before any real damage is done. Urg, the pill I’ve just taken isn’t too strong, is it?

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How to get rid of your miserable week day.

On many social network sites, every Monday, there’s at least five people out of ten ‘speaking’ something about being on Monday. Something as ‘Gosh, MONDAY again!’, ‘F*ck the traffic!’, ‘Monday again? I swear it’s just passed!’, etc. And every Friday everyone will be freak out with ecstasy. The atmosphere will be changed into ‘Awwwww, FRIDAY!!!’, ‘Where’re you going tonight, babe!?’, ‘Let’s hang out!’, etc OMG. It seems that week day is tragically transformed into fangful, snarling monster ready to bite your head off with one snap. Well, it may be….

Anyway, I don’t want to be one of those people who piss out on Monday and embrace Friday. It would be so inconsolable because week day is the most part of your life. And if you’re just overwhelmed by the sense of aversion to it and feel as if you’re enduring the considerable time of your life, your lifetime will be definitely shorter and shorter. How could you survive to the next ten years with this misery? Therefore, I decide to decrease the gap of difference between week day and weekend by making my weekend to be like week day; suffering alike or more.

1. Surround myself with the most ignorant and dagger-eyed people in downtown with no place to really rest.

This way, you will feel exhausted, vulnerable, and melancholy that you almost scream out with relief when you get back to your dark and cold house. In this frantic downtown, people will rush to and fro around you all the time even though the languid sunlight are shining soothingly. And if you’re already worn out from being incessantly attacked by passersby, you have to look for a place to rest carefully. Of course, there’re coffee shop, restaurants, or even benches on the foot path. But if you’re not careful, you may find that a little cup of rich coffee you’re blowing costs your approximate daily wage. And if you’re not definitely careful, your bank account may be bit off a large chunk. My friends had gone to a lovely restaurant on some relaxing day and got out with a panic look and a bill cost nearly half of her salary… No relax at all that day. Then, the benches sounds good, but you sure don’t want to sit there so long with the ignorant but observant eyes of passersby. The places where you can really rest without any concern of looks and money are those international cholesterol and heart attack sellers; MacSomething and KenSomething – you name it.  But with the bunch of those little figures resembling the people outside with the tendency of more hectic personality?…… Well, make your choice…

2. Surround myself with unpredictable, moody, changeable like weather in tropical forest, and pessimistic family.

You will certainly not be able to concentrate on anything. They will not let any minute waste without complaint. There must be at least one thing that someone thinks it should be better or it shouldn’t be there. Also, someone must not be satisfied with at least one thing of what you’ve done. And believe me, that causes particularly stress-related mind problems. You will be overwhelmed by misery and strain that you may need to knock your head with the poor walls. It’s the cons of being with many family members but at least you’ll never feel lonely.

3. Surround myself with occasionally energetic people.

These people, such as your usually lethargic family, are not always energetic. But when they are, nothing can prevent them to do whatever comes across their minds at the time. They truly believe that such activity they’re going to do (and drag you to do, too) is helping freshen up your dark life, which may be true if they’re not taking it too serious and dragging me out of my warm and comfortable bed at an ungodly hour…without warning…

4. Renovate and redecorate your room so that you’ll not have any privacy and energy left.

It’s time to get things done. The rooms that need to be renovate five years ago. The point is that you need to do it All at once. Painting the walls of every bedrooms at once will safe a lot of time. And this way, you’ll have no room to dwell for a while. Many people will be walking in and out of your private room and see what you have possessed. No action blood-splattered films, no slightly pornographic Youtube, no sitting around without doing anything or the people walk by will give you a questioning frown. You also have to push, pull, and drag   furniture, changing the room’s atmosphere, and end up put everything back in their original positions because it’s the most versatility in the first instance. Then, you’ll have no energy left to do anything contentedly.

There, now, weekend is your shelter of real life no more. If you follow these simple processes, you’ll definitely embrace Monday. It’ll not be your purgatory and not give you a persecution complex anymore. Well, at least, when you come back to work, you’ll be able to make peace with yourself and you’ll thank everything to be there.

Such an attractively tranquil state!

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There’s this feeling once in a while.

Apart from being so small that people think I’m malnourished (sorry mom, I know you do your best), they also keep telling me to have my hair cut. Because face it, as I’ve just said, I’m small, and small figure does not get along with natural wavy, heavy long hair well. It makes me look smaller, shorter, and too down-to-earth…literally. I’ve almost never paid attention to my hair (and face) for about three or four years and it developed itself into this purgatorial state.

So recently, I decided to do something with it and ended up with this Korean Salon. And as its name gave the clue, the hairdresser was Korean, of course, then the first obstacle…

You have to take risk once in a while to freshen up and vividize your life. Anyway, I totally had no idea which hairstyle would do best on me, so I let her do whatever she thought it would help glamorize up my  lethargic look to be more impeccable…or at least, bearable.

My stubborn head cooperated with this commotion very well that I was surprised a little. And here it goes 🙂

And there has to be this feeling once in a while; it’s when you get out with the gratifying sense of confidence whether you actually are ravishing or not.

Note: The big dark circles are still there and the pimples reduce into little dark spots, but they’re left to be concerned in this satisfying state.

Let’s enjoy this very moment!

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The Power of Mind: Respect yourself first before demanding it from me.

You can damn insult yourself, but do not dare plant that thought to anyone else.

“I know you despise me!”

That’s the sentence I have just heard today. The speaker was infuriated and incandescent with rage at another people – totally stranger although they’re neighbors – because of a little car accident. She did not stop complaining for ten minutes. I still heard her hysterical voice even I was in my room, urg. I could see that the stranger was totally confused that she was assailed by this unpleasant imprecations. How can you know that a stranger despise you? How can you know that someone hate you despite the fact that you both never talk to each other?

Not only this person, my colleague also met a maid who thought that other people had an utter contempt for her, so she treated my colleague slightly under etiquette of social awareness. What’s wrong with human nowadays?

How can you live if you think that everyone in the world hate you or look down on you? The maid thought that my colleague looked down on her because she earned the living by mopping floors. Since when cleaning is considered to be in lower hierarchy? What? About 70 years ago? Or in colonial period, when there had been that sickening slavery? Of course, there are kings, queens, leaders, presidents, those hierarchical standings and so-called social classes, but do you need to wear it on yourself, put it on your sleeve? Why don’t you get your status crown upon your inane head? To tell people how miserable you are so that they can offer you some commiserations? So, in this case, the maid felt her dignity was ruined and didn’t like my colleague. You see the relationship? Her dignity was bruised by herself.  She impoverished her poor mind. It’s the absurdity of human I never understand.

You may suffer from your great sense of insecurity. I understand that. I, too, want to be accepted, of course! I’m not living on sole planet. I encounter people unavoidably and live among them. But what do you expect of? The tremendous adulation and admiration? I will say it again. You can damn insult yourself, but do not dare plant that thought to anyone else. It’s contagious. I consider it to be escalating crime.

I’d even experienced such ridiculous situation myself. I had known a guy and he was quite good-looking, for … himself. And since he and I had to cooperate with each other somehow, he had that hallucinatory idea that I liked him. I didn’t know what had I done to him to imaginatively think that way. And since I did not meet his standard of beauty (which was way too much for a guy looking like him), he didn’t think he wanted to like me and tried to avoid me. Gosh, we needed to work together sometime and he didn’t give me a hand at all. And I gained rage and loathing for him.  So that’s that; he thought I liked him; he didn’t like me; I didn’t like him back. Damn, such an ugly theory. The awful linkage. Many guys around me were/are snobbish, smug, pompous, and overgrown self-esteem.

I’m always dumbstruck by how personal mind can lead people. “I think, therefore I am” is definitely true. Minds are no respecter of persons.

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The person I’ve tried to kill, but fail

It’s ME.

Yes, I’ve been trying to kill this particular one since…um…since I knew her existed. Some methods I didn’t commit it myself, some came out of my very own mind. I will give you some examples, but I do not recommend anyone try them themselves. They’re not fatal experiments, they hurt so bad instead. Anyway, if you are a masochist…do whatever you please.

One of my prior methods was jumping out of an armchair. Not that I was doing it willingly, but my sister contemplated that it was the best for me, so she helped me get out of this complicated but simple world. (Un)Fortunately, this one particular self was not killed easily so I got only an almost broken nose and a bowl of tears.

And when I learned Taekwondo, I accidentally got a kick at the ear from my coach… I flew away a few feet and got a clear ear after that; I could hear any white noise for a few minutes. (Un)Fortunately again, my coach tried to suspend his strength before hitting when his harmless and conscious mind realized that I, the tiny little girl at age 6, did not move, so I’m still alive now.

Another method I had come up with was getting hit by a nail, a rusty old nail, in order to get sick and die. But (un)fortunately again, I got only a bucket of blood and tears and some killing-me-harshly methyl alcohol and antipathetic betadine. I had genuinely believed that those medical liquid were going to try to murder me at the time.

The other foolish method was putting a piece of eraser into my nose. It was a very good method, though. However, it did not work again because my too-good-hearted teachers tried every possible thing to get that tiny piece out…along with my blood. I don’t remember why I did it or why I was so desperate with my life at that age, but if I had a chance, I would still do it again. The scent of that eraser was something you would not be able to ignore!

I also committed a lot of adventurous intrepidity but it seemed more like stupidity now.

Since then I have been trying to kill myself unintentionally with a lot of well-organized and intelligent strategies including eating tons of greasy, oily food, sleeping at the early hours of mornings, drinking too much caffeine, getting too much food coloring, getting too much borax craftily hidden itself in food, getting too much man-made  pollution, getting too much sugar, getting too much rage, etc., in order for the modern menace diseases to find another optional host. Or maybe I could get a round-in-every-dimension body so that I could stumble and roll to the front of some speeding cars.

I have been doing it well (except the chubby part since everyone keeps telling me to gain weight) and I got a slightly high cholesterol level. Anyway, one day the self I’ve been trying to mercilessly murder gave me a pleading look in the mirror, trying to send me some messages. And then, like a sparkling miracle you saw in the film, I perceived how much we have been in love with each other, how much she did care for my undernourished and undervalued heart. Yeah, I, the antithesis of Mother Teresa, in fact, have some love in my very same malice vein. How could I restlessly be detrimental to her?

Therefore, I gave up and embraced her encouragingly. I know someday in the future something will come to us and we will be gone together, I don’t need a catalyst at all, I don’t need to hurt her more at all; living daily has done its job. We will be together in the end and I like that thought. For now, I will do whatever to please her and heal her both physically and spiritually. Wish me luck 😉

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Hello world!…If that’s what WP thinks it’s good for the first post…

Hello world! Yes, this’s what I’m saying despite the fact that I know world does not hear me at all.

Firstly, to honor the first post, I guess I will behave myself very well. At the beginning, if anyone is really read this, I suggest you to click on the link ‘The Triviality of ME’ before you going on with my absurdity. If you spare a few minutes reading it, it will be highly appreciated. Although it’s only the ‘triviality’, it’s the significant triviality. If you are so optimistic, fragile-hearted, easily frightened, hypertension, suffering heart disease, oversensitive, optimistic (I know I’ve said this, but I just feel the necessity of reiterating it), or my acquaintance, please leave this blog; I do not want to attack any fragment of your delicate heart unintentionally with my savagery, harsh criticism, or imprecation. Not that I’m going to be a lunatic, but, in my perception, everyone has different standards.

I’m not crazy by nature, don’t worry. I will not practically bite anyone…too hard. I’m not a fighter or offender. I’m as coward as a chicken, baby chicken to be honest. But this world, or the citizen of this world, has been teaching us to be tough, or fake it, with its implausible insanity. Something you encounter in your life seems to be absurd and depraved, and you feel impotent and lethargic sometimes. That’s understandable. We do not need to be perfect and we do not need to be passionate all the time. The lines between things are thin and blurred, you cannot judge exactly what is right and what is wrong. Forget what the world has been trying to fool you and see things with your own mind. Just try.

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